Neverland is burning down.

So this is it, one day left college college.
Then everyone is going their separate ways.
It's as if I've been ripped apart from everyone I know.
EVeryone is going diffrent places next year.
My best fariends are all going to diffrent colleges.
Were splitting up.
Going on to new things.
And I'm scared.
That the people Ive spent 17 years of my life with will just...
find someone better and leave me.
I feel disasterously alone.
I hate it.
I hate hate hate hate hate it.
I feel like I'm being pulled apart.
That everything I know is dissapearing and I don't know how to deal with that.
Should I be scared or happy.
I'm a such a mess I don't know what to do.
I've been in a shitty mood all day.
I hate this place.

I hate being me.
I hate myself.
I hate my room.
Tonight for the first time in a long while I've hit rock bottom.
Again.
Just as I thought all this would dissapear.
That it was over.
Though I guess depression doesn't just wonder away.
It will always be there.
Just it wont be as bad sometimes as it is other times.
It will always be with me.
It just shows up at the most inconveniant times.

This sumemr shoudl be great.
My friend is flying out from america to see me.
And I'm going to London to see my favorites band.
With my best friends.
On our first holiday together with out adults.

Then I remember that in three months time.
I will be on my own.
And I don't like it at all.

Send my love to the dance floor.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
Pretty much sums up how my exams have went.
English wasn't that bad.
The close reading paper wasn't that bad.
Some of the questions were just plain stupid.
And the critical analysis paper was a joke.
They couldn't have made the questions any more perfect for my textes.
So of course I came out of a high on that one.
Considering I did nothing for it anyway.
So I didn't do that badly for not doing much revison.
I just memorised my quotes.
xD Oh I love being Scottish sometimes.

SO as you can guess I was on a pretty big high after that.
Came out all cocky like.
Then went in to maths yesterday.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
OH my god.
Bombed it so badly.
I've failed.
The non calc paper was alright.
I got about halfway though the paper until it got hard.
The second paper.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh it was fucking impossable.
So failed it.
So wahay were going to have to resit it.
~ Oh joy.

Biology on monday.
I'm looking forward to it though.
Its going to be good.
Its the only subject I'm not worried about.
xD

Oh lordie what am I to do.
Wh000p,
One exam left.
Then I just have to acually finnish the coursework.
That might help.

You Must Be Dreaming.

Everyone has such high hopes for me.
They all expect straight As at college this year.
I'm sorry to dissapoint.
But that wont be happening.

Hot Day

This weather is stupid.
Seriously stupid.
Its too hot to even breath.
And this is SCOTLAND.
It's not meant to be like this.
Its meant to be vaugly warm with a hint of sunshine.
Not 30C with clear skies.
ITS TOO HOT!

UGH!

Mind you the hot weather is good in a way.
Sat in the garden and read this afternoon.
Got a phonecall from an old friend last night.
Asking if I wanted to play guitar for her band.
I said yes of course.
WE had a jam today.
Just like the old days.
Can't believe how fast time has flown.
All I know is the ties of friendship are hard to sever.
I don't think we'll ever break ours.

Just like we said as well right,
"Us to the end our guitars in hand."
Too fucking right.