This Crystal Ball...

There are things in this world I just couldn’t live without,
I know I don’t understand how this all works.
Its something I’m not great at.
I guess I wonder am I don’t this all right,
Because there are no instructions in this game,
Like you said it’s all DIY
But isn’t that what makes this fun?
The fact that we are not constricted by rules.
There’s no roll dice move two steps.
It’s far more complicated than that.
But the best way I’ve found is to wing it.
As long as you have your friends by your side its perfectly alright.
I’ve come to realise lately that life isn’t as long as you think.
That at any moment you can have it ripped away.
So the time we do have.
All of this.
Means everything.
And I intend to spend it living.

Living is not breathing.
Nor is it your heart beating.
Living is:
Laughing on the phone for hours,
Laughing at inside jokes in the cinema,
Ten hour bus rides,
Boat rides,
Sitting on the concrete,
Laughing and joking.
Being pulled together by red threads.

I’d love to tie more of them to me and everyone of you.

I've done a lot of things wrong but I swear I'm a believer.

Sometimes I wonder why I bother trying to do nice things.
Half the time its shoved back in my face.
I work my ass off and no one gives a shit.
I get up and I so the fucking house.
No one even says fucking thank you.
It’s fucking bullshit.
Sometimes I want to curl up in the corner and cry.
I want to cry and cry like I won’t be able to cry ever again.
Scream at the moon.
Just let it all fucking out.
I’m so frustrated its unbelievable.
I want out of here.
Out of my own skin.
Out of my mind.
It’s better that way for us all.
See I’m nothing like what you think I am.
Impatient and selfish.
I’m being selfish again and wanting my own way.
What’s the fucking point of trying when no one gives a shit.
I do something.
Then ten minutes later someone else does the same thing.
Who gets noticed.
Not me.
But that’s me being selfish yet again.
Selfish fucking bitch.
I’m sick of fucking breaking my back for you.
I’m though with this shit.
It’s the last time I do something for someone else.
Fuck you.

Your not even getting an xo this time.