"please wake me up before the trumpets sound and when i disappear come find me in some south american town"

Some people don’t understand.
I don’t.
I want to lock the rational part of me away.
And the irrational.
And keep it away.
I want to get buy. I want to operate without the curse of emotions.
Want to wake to a world that is empty.
I know you would come if I ended this all today.
And its crossed my mind.
I wrote all the things I hate about myself down.
On me.
So I would never, ever forget them.
I etched it in letter my letter in to my skin.
That way I look at it.
I see it.
I know it.
I hate it.
Red against peach.
I want to cut it open.
Want to scream until I throw up blood.
That way it is all so very right
I’m hoping that you know.
When I go.
That it is not for you to take offence too.
I want to cleanse my self.
Get rid of myself.
Same thing.
I love the colour red.
Love to see it run down my arms.
As I grit my teeth and bear though it.
Watch it hit the water in the basin.
Watching the water turn red.
Red and black.
Red and fact.
I am beautiful on the inside.
I don’t care about the inside.
Just care about the outside.
I don’t feel right in these clothes.
Don’t feel right in these cloths.
Don’t feel right in me.
I compete.
In everything.
I lose in everything,
Lose in myself.
Don’t let a baby cry.
Baby, baby, baby, gonan lose her way.
Losing her way.
Dead end road.
No way to go.
Its like signing up for a forum that’s dead.
‘Please verify email address.’