Yet Again.

I'm going to sit here and promise myself I'll make something of today.
When in actual fact I'll waste it away again.
That's all I seem to be doing without you here.
I can't stand to have you near me.
Still can't after what happened.
Then I look back to the times when we had fun.
I can see that smile on your face.
Hear that laugh.
I remember your jokes.
And I'm smitten again.
They were bad, bad jokes.
But still funny from your lips.
Do you see the mess you've put me in?
Caught between the past and the present.
In emerald dreams that never seem to last.
Did you know that I still sit here.
Wondering if you love me?
If you ever did?
Somethings just weren't meant to happen.
And it wasn't meant to end like this.
I wonder what I did wrong that caused this mess.
We're a train wreck.
Three broken hearts.
And a boy caught in the middle.
And I feel sorry for you.
Because I know...no I hope you didn't mean to do this.
Though they say everyone has a hidden side.
I don't know what to believe.
Half of me wants you to be evil.
At least then I could blame you.
The other half wants you to be the best boy on earth.
Then I could blame me.

I wonder.
Was I too fat?
Too quiet?
Too loud?
Too opinionated?
Then I realise it doesn't matter.
That this would have happened any way.
But I hope you two are happy.
Because loving someone is wanting them to be happy?
Isn't it?
Then I want you to be happy.
As happy as could be.
It's because I love you I'll let this all go.
Treasure the memories instead of wondering what could have been.
And I want you to smile.
Show her what its meant to be like.
Then I can move on.
And I need it.
So will you do that for me?
I guessed not.

"I guess its times like these remind me.
That I gotta keep my feet on the ground."